It started like any other race weekend. Haulers rolled in, crews prepped tires, and somewhere, Denny Hamlin was explaining aerodynamics to a sandwich. But the garage was rocked to its core when an unnamed spotter allegedly witnessed Ty Gibbs, heir to the Joe Gibbs Racing empire and professional disruptor, sitting quietly… reading a book.
That’s right. A book. With pages.
Sources claim it was “definitely not a manual” and “maybe fiction,” which has sent shockwaves through the Toyota camp. “I don’t know, man,” said one veteran crew chief. “I thought he was scrolling. But then he turned the page with his fingers. No swipe. No tap. Just old-school page turning. Like some kind of monk.”
The book’s title remains unconfirmed, though guesses range from The Art of War to Twilight: New Moon. The mere possibility that Ty Gibbs could be voluntarily reading has triggered panic among the elders in the garage, with one Ford engineer asking, “If he starts quoting Dostoevsky, does that void his rookie status?”
Joe Gibbs Racing has issued no official comment, though a team insider whispered that the book was “probably just something with fast cars and explosions” before quickly looking over his shoulder and jogging away.
Fans are split.
“I knew this kid was up to something,” said Facebook user CarlinaGoesVape. “Next thing you know he’s bringing kombucha to driver intros and listening to podcasts about the Roman Empire.”
Others have leapt to Ty’s defense. “Let him read,” said Twitter user @GenZPitBoss. “Maybe he’s studying strategy. Or maybe he’s just trying to understand why his own team radios sound like a midlife crisis having a stroke.”
But the biggest question remains: Is this the start of a rebellion against the NASCAR way? Reading, after all, is a gateway behavior. First it’s a book. Then he’s sipping espresso. Before you know it, he’s showing up to Martinsville wearing a scarf and talking about “themes.”
As for Ty himself? He declined comment but was seen later that day wearing reading glasses — or at least blue-light blockers that looked suspiciously intellectual — and muttering something about “character arcs.”
Whatever happens next, one thing is clear: the boy who once sent everyone into cardiac arrest for roughing up Grandpa’s legacy might now be softening… or worse… thinking.
God help us all.
Satire from NASCARGASM.COM
Greg is the author of "The Nuts and Bolts of NASCAR: The Definitive Viewers' Guide to Big-Time Stock Car Auto Racing" and has been published in major publications across the country including the Los Angeles Times, the Cleveland Plain Dealer and the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. He was also a contributor to Chicken Soup for the NASCAR Soul, published in 2010, and the Christmas edition in 2016. He wrote as the NASCAR, Formula 1, Auto Reviews and National Veterans Affairs Examiner for Examiner.com and has appeared on Fox News. He holds a BS degree in communications, a Masters degree in psychology and is currently a PhD candidate majoring in psychology. He is currently the weekend Motorsports Editor for Autoweek.