Top 10 Things I’d Rather Do Than Watch NASCAR Single-Car Qualifying

March 8, 2025 Greg Engle Main Page, Top Stories 0


AVONDALE, ARIZONA - MARCH 08: William Byron, driver of the #24 Z by HP Chevrolet, signs the Busch Light Pole Award backdrop after winning the pole award during qualifying for the NASCAR Cup Series Shriners Children's 500 at Phoenix Raceway on March 08, 2025 in Avondale, Arizona. (Photo by Chris Graythen/Getty Images)
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Ah, single-car qualifying. The motorsports equivalent of watching someone fill out a tax return in real-time. During Saturday’s qualifying session at Phoenix, as I struggled to stay awake, I realized it’s not all that exciting. And while I appreciate the skill involved, I’d rather subject myself to any of the following:

  1. Watch paint dry… on a humid day

Not just any paint, but a thick, glossy coat that refuses to cure because the air is 97% moisture. The kind where you stare at it, hoping it’ll dry faster, only to realize you’ve been standing there for an hour and now you’re emotionally invested.

  1. Watch grass grow in slow motion

At least with grass, there’s an element of suspense. Will a bug land on it? Will the wind make it sway? Exciting stuff compared to one car at a time rolling out, running a lap, and vanishing back into the garage like it has something better to do.

  1. Sit through a timeshare presentation

Imagine being trapped in a windowless conference room while a guy in a suit named Chad explains why you need a vacation condo in Branson, Missouri. It’s painful, but at least there’s a chance of free snacks.

  1. Read the instruction manual for a toaster

Nothing gets the adrenaline pumping quite like a 47-page booklet explaining how to make bread warm. Plus, most of it is just legal disclaimers about not sticking a fork inside—something I’d consider doing just for excitement during a qualifying session.

  1. Assemble IKEA furniture with no instructions

There’s more strategy involved here than in single-car runs. Will I build a coffee table or accidentally summon a demon with incorrectly placed wooden dowels? Either way, it’s got more drama than watching one car take a lap.

  1. Call my internet provider’s customer service line

Ah yes, the thrill of hearing, “Your call is very important to us” while being subjected to distorted hold music. At least I can yell at a human when I get frustrated, unlike during qualifying where I can only yell at the screen in existential dread.

  1. Listen to someone explain cryptocurrency to me

Nothing like a dude in a hoodie trying to convince me that Dogecoin will buy me a house someday. It’s mostly nonsense, but at least it’s nonsense with enthusiasm—something qualifying lacks entirely.

  1. Watch a Hallmark Christmas movie in July

Same plot every time: a big-city lawyer rediscovering the meaning of Christmas in a town called Snowflake Falls. But at least there’s a 50/50 chance of seeing a car chase or a baking contest, which is more variety than single-car qualifying.

  1. Wait at the DMV without an appointment

A thrilling social experiment in patience, where you get to listen to strangers sigh loudly while you question your life choices. But at least there’s a tangible reward at the end—unlike watching single-car runs, where nothing really happens until the last five minutes.

  1. Watch an entire golf tournament

Four days. Eighteen holes. The haunting whispers of commentators. And yet, somehow, there’s more unpredictability than seeing one car take one lap, knowing full well it won’t matter because the race will be a free-for-all by Turn 1.

So NASCAR, please—just give us group qualifying. Or heat races. Or literally anything that doesn’t feel like watching an engine dyno test on TV. Oh, and William Byron was the last car out and dethroned Joey Logano who was on the provisional pole Saturday. I woke up just in time.

Greg Engle
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